Ken's Epic Adventure!
by MehEds
Summary: When some kid named Ken is thrust into the World of Aincrad, he destroys everything unique about it. So Kirito teams up with Klein and Heathcliff, and they will try to get their reputations back. Underline 'try'.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One: Badassery**

_AU:This is set in a author's world where plot just stops on it's tracks, to make way for this extremely poor substitute. This will take place before the seventy-fourth floor boss, and I will go through the Heathcliff fight in the arena, but that is the one only exception. Also, I don't own Sword Art Online. Major Spoilers Ahead._

* * *

Kirito ran on the dungeon, accompanied by Asuna, and Klein, to save that Aincrad Liberation Force. Or was it Army? Kirito wasn't sure. Just that they had to save them. Only to stop, and find out that some other dude took care of it. The soldiers all patted him on the back, but even through the compliments, he was modest. And caring. Which was pretty hard to tell considering Kirito and that other dude was fifty feet away. But they detected that, somehow, and they ran to find out whoever the hell he is.

He has long bright white hair, and a white cloak. He has slender features, and he has perfect shimmering green eyes, that was packed top to bottom with bishie sparkle. All the sparkle. In fact, if you skimmed through that last sentence, you'd probably think he's a woman.

But he wasn't. 'Cause_ somehow,_ he also had an aura of badassery, Even the author's spellcheck thought that word was dorky. Perhaps it was from the dual swords- Wait, Kirito thought. I thought I was the only one that had that! Kirito suddenly became more excited to meet him. When they reached them, Asuna suddenly hugged him. Kirito just had to raise an eyebrow. Klein followed suit. But he still continued.

"Hey! Did you get a skill six months ago?" Kirito asked all OOC-like. The man-girl grinned at him.

"When I logged in yesterday, I had a list of skills to choose. Dual Blades was the coolest one! I assumed that was to create my class! By the way, name's Ken!" He responded in a extremely soft, bishie-like voice, reminiscent of English dubs (shudder). Kirito immediately checked his profile. No Dual Blades. All that grinding to completion; gone. Kirito suddenly death-glared at him. That was _not_ fair. What god gave Ken the ability to bend the rules? Kirito started to March right at him. When they stood face to face, Kirito found out that he wore the same long coat he wore, except it was white, and he had a bandolier of throwing knives, and the dual swords were actually katanas. Curved swords were different from normal swords. They cannot be dual wielded. Until this guy came. They were of equal height. Kirito started to barrage him with questions.

"What's your Dual Blades skill level?"

"Completed,"

"One-Handed Sword?"

"Completed,"

"Knife Throwing?"

"Completed,"

"One Handed Curved Sword?"

_"Battle Healing?!" _Kirito expectantly waited for him to check his stats. Ken thought it was completed, but modest as ever, he checked.

"…Completed." Kirito felt his jaw drop to Floor 1.

"That, is, impossible. My completed skills are One Handed Sword, and I achieved that at Floor 50," Kirito recalled his Dual Blades grinding sessions, to boost it up to completion. Ken punched that hard work in the face. Asuna started to strut forward, an angry tsundere look on her face.

"Leave him alone! He got bullied in school!" She scorned him. She was seriously considering sleep PK-ing the boy. Kirito raised an eyebrow.

"Was that for the fact that he has a voice for a ten-year old? " Kirito said bluntly. Klein was the only guy who laughed. The Aincrad Liberation Force/Army just stared at him. Asuna started to tear up, because she felt Ken's feelings, despite only meeting him a minute ago, and having met Kirito for at least a year. Ken started to look depressed, suddenly turning angsty at a moment's notice.

"No one understands me!" Ken sobbed, and ran to the seventy-fifth floor. Asuna started running after him, but Ken was faster, than Asuna, the fastest player 'till now, because Ken did cross-country in real life. Kirito face palmed. The Aincrad Liberation whatever started to look at Kirito with murderous intent. How dare he defiles their saviour! Kirito started to back up. Crap.

* * *

Kirito fortunately, just scared them off. Without Ken to lead them, they're just lost sheep. Kirito's harem- erm,_ female friends,_ heard the news and joined Ken's harem.(It's a harem, no excuses.), leaving Klein and his extremely badass guild (None of his guild members died. Can't say the same for Kirito.).

"Klein, I swear, I had the Dual Blades skill before him. I can even name the skills!" Kirito tried to convince him.

"Prove it." Kirito fidgeted with his fingers.

"I can't really prove it." He admitted. "But don't you think that's weird. He's so accomplished, but I didn't even hear anything about him before. And there's no 'class selection' in this game!" Klein stroked his chin.

"I guess so. Alright. I'll help you. First, I have to go to the Knights of the Blood Oath HQ. There's a fight there, with Ken- Kirito?" Kirito instantly teleported to the fight.

The arena was packed. Apparently, Ken is battling the leader so Asuna can have some time off. Kirito felt a sense of déjà vu, then analyzed the situation. Heathcliff was extremely powerful. However, so was Ken. Just that Heathcliff actually earned respect. (Even if he cheated a lot, at least he logged more than ten minutes of playtime). The duel started. Ken dashed forward, and started calling his attacks. Which is why Heathcliff blocked everything. (It's only logical). And then, Ken leaped back ten feet, and started to throw as much knives as he can. So, Heathcliff pretty much ducked behind his shield. Meanwhile, Ken pretty much covered every anime combat stereotype ever. Then, Ken ran out of knives, and started to sprint at him, jump off Heathcliff's shield as he was blocking, and, Ken, started to dive into Heathcliff, spinning like a corkscrew.

"CORKSCREW STARBURST ATTACK!" Ken yelled all the way to the ground. Heathcliff raised his shield, but Ken, broke it. And managed to bump Heathcliff's HP to the red zone. And Klein finally experienced the epic Floor One Jaw Drop. Heathcliff had a look of destroyed pride in his face. Heathcliff stared at Ken, right now posing with a ridiculously corny thumbs up. Heathcliff saw Kirito, and started to go towards him. Kirito started to recognize that, and started to do the same.

"I swear, I thought I gave you the Dual Blades skill!" He muttered.

"What?" Kirito was surprised. Heathcliff started to whisper on his ear.

"I'm Akihiko Kaya-"

**_"WHAT?!"_**

"-ba." Kayaba facepalmed. Kirito became all suicidal hero. He took out Elucidator, and started to point at him.

"I challenge you-" Then Kayaba started to cover Kirito's mouth.

"Listen! We should work together! Ken's not even in the game at Floor One!" Kirito started to calm down, from the initial shock.

"Right. Let's find out where he's from."

They told Klein. He actually suspected it, since his shield was nigh-indestructible. He was cool with it, but not after trying to thrash Kayaba.

"Alright, let's list out his attributes." Kayaba decided.

"He has my Dual Blades skill, broke your shield-"

"It came with the sword too," Kayaba muttered.

"-and can attract girls really easily." Klein started to grin.

"Just like you, Kirito!"

"What? I didn't fight Akihiko?"

"No, the other one," Kirito suddenly reddened up.

"Wha? No, I always had to- shut up." Kirito groaned. Then decided to change the subject quickly.

"Kayaba, can't you kick him out? It's a MMO. You should be able t-" Kayaba looked down, ashamed of his poor security. Kirito scratched his head.

"O…Kay. Could you at least give Dual Blades back?" Kirito asked excitedly. No matter his emotional state, Kirito is a teenager. And he thought Dual Blades were friggin epic. Akihiko shook his head.

"It can only belong to one person." Klein groaned out of frustration. Kirito looked him puzzled.

"What?"

"I wanted to have Dual Blades too," he whimpered. Kirito nodded. He can respect that. He looked at Kayaba.

"Tell me how to fight against him."


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks to L van Am for the review, it was my first ever review!_

_I don't own Sword Art Online._

_Otherwise, Kirito would've joined Furin Kazan._

* * *

**Chapter 2: AI**

On the seventieth floor, Ken looked out from the castle window shirtless. The lake twinkled under the moonlight.

_ Loser!_

_Nerd!_

_ What are you looking at, loser?_

Ken shook the thoughts out of his head. He was in a new world now. Asuna walked towards him in highly PG-13 lingerie.

"Anything wrong, sweetheart?" (AN:Blech) Asuna said softly. Ken shook his head.

"I thought of my past. But you're here now,"(AN:Kill me now) Asuna cried tears of joy. They suddenly made out. Kirito ducked down from the hole through the wall of the castle he was staking out. Klein kept looking at the lovemaking.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Kirito whispered intensely. Klein rolled his eyes.

"I'm a legal adult. So_ shut up_!"

"Pretty sure Ken and Asuna isn't!" Klein reddened.

"Oh. Right. Sorry." Klein muttered. Kirito stood up at took out his teleportation crystal.

"Let's go back."

* * *

They soon found themselves on a GM-only area. It was a blank white space, with some furniture and a console.

"Find something?" Kayaba asked without looking.

"No, except some teenagers making out." Kirito saw Klein smirking at him. Kirito rolled his eyes.

"Well, I found out that Ken might be some rouge AI program."

"Like enemy AI?" Klein speculated. Kirito shook his head.

"He looked at us in the face and didn't attack us."

"Not really. It's based off a feature in Floor 98." Kayaba started to explain.

"At Floor 98, the boss battle is your, shadow."

"What? That's so cool!" Kirito nerded out. Kayaba nodded.

"The 'shadow' had your exact same skills and levels, except the AI actually learns. It's the smartest we've ever conceived. Doesn't explain why he stole Kirito's girls and Dual Blades skill." Kayaba said that last part bluntly. Kirito started to blush and get mad.

"Alright. Stop it! It's not a harem! They're just friends!" Kirito tried to clarify. All it did was cause more sniggering.

"Okay," Kayaba started to calm down. Though he still has a big-ass grin plastered on his face.

"Alright. Now Kirito, to fight Ken, you need a shie-"

"No! No shield!" Kirito affirmed loudly. Kayaba raised an eyebrow.

"Shields are good for defence, and God knows you need that."

"It slows down my sword," Kirito tried to use the same excuse from Asuna on the topic. Kayaba intensified his look.

"Parrying with the sword looks cooler." Kirito admitted.

* * *

Kirito looked at the shield in disgust. He never did like those knight RPG characters. Too shield matched up to his 'black is cool' kind of thing he's been going on about, and it was a demonic boss drop, like Elucidator. Kirito still didn't like it though. Klein walked in, along with Furin Kazan, and most of the other Beaters. Going to need all the help they can get.

"Okay," Kayaba announced. "I'm going to boost all your combat skills to completion, but I'm going to lower them to the original state, plus EXP you would have gained after the battle with Ken." Furin Kazan and the Beaters started to mutter with themselves.

"Hey! Ken's a cool guy!" One of them shouted angrily. They started to nod in agreement.

"I'm joining their guild if you're planning to do that!" Then they marched angrily away. Klein just stared at his lifelong, battle-forged friends, betraying him! Klein looked at Kirito and Kayaba.

"The sooner Ken's dead, the better."

* * *

Ken's guild grew in strength, as a huge number of experienced players just joined them. Kayaba looked at the castle disdainfully. It was the most expensive living area yet, situated so high on Aincrad. Ken's guild was called The Order of Promethean Blades, inspired from the fact that Ken (the author) thought it sounded cool. Kayaba interfaced with his… interface (sigh).

"Anything new?" Kirito called out. Kayaba concentrated on his game menu.

"What is it?" Kirito looked into the menu, hoping he can find a GM password, or something. Being in a death game is still deadly. Kayaba pushed him away harshly.

"No peeking!" Kirito muttered incoherently about douchebags.

Kayaba bowed his head in silence and disappointment. The Order of Promethean whatever is immune to direct GM commands, thanks to Ken. He couldn't paralyze the enemy. So he had to bend the rules.

"Everyone who dies in and around the castle actually gets paralyzed for two hours and immune to damage." Kirito nodded. They only had to capture Ken, and not kill people in the process. Klein smirked.

"He trapped us, and yet, deep down, he still cares!" He said in a sarcastically adorable voice. Kayaba looked at him, eyeglasses glowing.

"Don't tempt me."

"Yes… sir." Klein squeaked.

The guards were sixteen year old girls, in orange, form fitting armor. Very form fitting. Kirito shook the pubescent thoughts from his head, and begun the capture. He leapt in, and paralyzed the two guards, in two quick swipes. Kayaba, in his 'manly dude' avatar, kicked the gate down. This time, it wasn't a immortal object. The gate disappeared in coloured shards. A dozen guards tried to surround them, but they soon were limp on the ground. Ken and Asuna started to come out, leading a group of Beaters, with Furin Kazan as commandos.

"Comrades! To arms!" Ken took out his twin swords.

"That's _my_ line!" Klein screamed and ran towards him, backed by Kirito and Kayaba. Ken ran, and dodged Klein's attack, and countered him with ease, without even stopping. Next was Kayaba. Kayaba raised his shield, but Ken stepped on it, and jumped, performing that ridiculous corkscrew thing, except it actually would kill Kayaba without the paralyzing rule. Kirito stopped running. Jeez, that was easy. Kirito sweated. Ken just stared confidently. Kirito realized, he has no chance. Then he noticed that Asuna was clinging at Ken like stains to a toilet. Then, he realized it.

Kirito ran as fast as he could, and grabbed Asuna, and teleported, leaving Ken to do a stereotypical "NO!" shout to the skies. When they arrived at the GM area, Asuna slapped him.

"You big friggin monster!" She sobbed.

"I can explain!"


	3. Chapter 3

_AN: Thanks for the review, Kage The Cat! And your question will be answered in the following chapter. I do not own Sword Art Online. Otherwise Kirito would've (realistically) met a dude in Gun Gale._

* * *

**Chapter 3: [Insert Mainstream Pop Band Song Here]**

Asuna sat, catatonic, on a corner of the GM room. Not because she knew Ken was fake, it was because she was kidnapped. By her best friend. Which for some reason was downgraded to save some space for Ken, a guy she met two days ago. Kirito approached her slowly, carefully not setting anything off.

"You _idiot!_ Ken's depressed! Take me back to him **NOW!**" Asuna yelled, her rapier ready for some prime stabbing.

"Why?" Kirito spoke bluntly. Asuna stared at him, mouth open, a look of pain.

"I have to comfort him! To be with him forever!"

"No offence, but you sound like a Disney Princess." Kirito said in that comedic monotone voice. Asuna scoffed.

"You'll never understand true love."

"That's right; I won't. Why do you like this guy?! You met him two [days] ago?! That's true love?" Asuna started to regain some common sense. But she desperately tried to ignore the nagging conscience.

"I just have to." She declared. Kirito took that with a grain of salt.

"Suit yourself."

* * *

In Ken's dungeon…

Kayaba sat there, in his cell, thinking about the shadow AI, trying to remember as much of it's capabilities. Then, he realized it. The AI became self-aware, evolving from it's learning capabilities. Then the author realized he took the most cliched sci-fi plot device ever. But whatever. Ken walked in the room.

"Looks like you're not so powerful, _huh?!_" He said in that girly voice again, with a smug look that would come from a five year old who won an argument. Kayaba eye roll, initiate. Then, Kayaba decided to turn around, to Klein, messing around with his inventory. Ken, in his mighty badassness, couldn't take his inventory out, as his one pointless flaw that other Mary Sue authors frequently add to theirs.

"Do you still have GM access?" Klein asked. Kayaba nodded.

"Can't you teleport us out?"

"Gee, I forgo- OF _**COURSE **_I TRIED! I can't! I don't know why! So leave me alone!" Kayaba sobbed. He created this world to be a god. Now he isn't. Klein shrank back.

"…just a question," he muttered.

* * *

Kirito looked at the 3D model of the castle. He logged in Kayaba's account, therefore kicking the previous person out of GM privileges. Kirito found Kayaba's password to be XxX_EPICSWORDLORD_XxX. Turns out Kayaba played FPS games. Kirito looked at Asuna in the corner. She just stood there, frozen. She then looked at Kirito creepily, peering into his soul. Then fainted. Kirito dashed to her, and she awoke.

"Kirito, I had this awful dream-" Kirito, acknowledged the stereotype.

"They're true." Asuna's eyes glinted with fear.

"It's true?! The dark room, the tentacles,_ everything?!1_" Asuna screamed. Kirito reddened.

"Wha? No, that wasn't true."

"What about Ken?" She asked. Kirito scratched his head.

"What happened?"

"There was this urge to hug him, and to marry him and live in a castle. But that wasn't-"

"That was true." Asuna immediately stood up.

"_Really?!"_

"Yes. And he took my dual wielding skill, and beat Kaya-" Kirito immediately shut up.

"Heathcliff's… Akihiko Kayaba?" Then, Ken showed up.

"Hello, _faker._" Ken declared smugly. (Reference!_) He sure sounds depressed. Kirito thought. _Followed with-

"How, in the _hell _did you get here?!" Kirito felt the Floor One Jaw Drop once more.

"I don't know how. I just had the need to see my wife. Then I concentrated, and here I am." Kirito turned from shock to disinterest in two seconds.

"Total BS. Just total BS" Asuna then hugged Ken.

"Asuna! I thought you had intelligence back?!"

"I thought I did. Then after seeing Ken-" Kirito realized it. "-I knew we were meant to be!" Then they teleported away. Kirito went back to the console, and sat on it, thinking. He accidentally signed off.

* * *

Kayaba was at the GM login screen, continually trying to login.

"Just give it up, Akihiko." Klein groaned. Then, Kayaba signed in. His jaw dropped. Then immediately grabbed Klein and GM-teleported out.

Kirito thoughts were interrupted by Kayaba and Klein.

"Did you use my account?!" Kayaba raged. Kirito nodded, unsure where this is going.

"We were in a _dungeon _because of you!" Kayaba screamed.

"Okay! Sorry!" Kirito apologized. Kayaba nodded.

"Gonna have to change my password," Kayaba grumbled. Kirito started to smirk.

"Yeah, you should…" Kirito paused. They stood there staring at each other for ten seconds. Kayaba glared at him. _If you ever say it, I will end your puny life, and torture you for the rest of your afterlife._ Kayaba thought, imagining him saying it in a really deep and menacing tone.

"… o epic sword lord!" Then Kayaba decreased Kirito's health to 5 hp._ Oh_ _crap,_

"Shut up, or this is permanent." Kayaba threatened darkly. Screw Voldemort; Kayaba Akihiko just replaced him for the time being.

"Okay!" Kayaba nodded.

"Now continue." He demanded.

"Oh, right. I figured why we don't get affected by his sparkle man-girl charm. Me, because he portrays me as his rival, for some reason, and you two, the only non-female people I know in the game."

"Wait," Klein cut in. "Rival?"

"He called me faker when he teleported here."

"Teleport?!" Kayaba exclaimed.

"He said it was some innate ability to teleport where Asuna is. I have to tell you about something. When I took Asuna-"

"Ditching us." Kayaba said automatically. Kirito glared at him.

"She was like, catatonic. Like she can't live without Ken. She snapped out of it though, right when Ken teleported here. Then she just went back immediately."

"Shadow AI aren't supposed to behave like this. That's more with the Sirens."

"What now?" Klein popped in.

"The 80th floor is based on a lot of Greek mythology. And a group called the Sirens when you get closer to the dungeon to the 81st floor appear and try to distract you. They can sort of hypnotize you-"

"Wait. You're messing with our brains now. That's serious." Kirito interjected.

"No! It just tries to persuade you. This harem charm thing is extreme." Kayaba concluded.

"Wow. This game would be really good if we weren't trapped here _hint hint._"

"Don't bother trying, Kirito." Kayaba waved in dismissal.

* * *

_AN: There was a huge view spike today, and I reached over 50 views when I checked. (The number of views was 51, 23 alone was the views today) And at least ten of you actually went back and checked. (Or, I hope you do.) I finished this chapter in one day because of you guys, so thanks! This message was made at February 23. Guys at the future, the number of views might change. Thanks._


	4. Chapter 4

_AN: I do not own Sword Art Online. Otherwise I would stop with the 'New Girl each Season' kind of thing they have going on._

* * *

**Chapter 4: Harem**

Klein was assigned to spy on Ken in the castle, while Kirito checked out the 80th floor for understanding Sirens, while Kayaba was just looking at where the hell Ken came from. It was going to be a long day.

The guards to the castle stayed ever vigilant, a sign to the legendary leadership Ken led. Klein snuck in, jumping over the wall, and immediately hid, his Hiding skill boosted to completion. He went in, and came across a grand hall, with a staircase to the upper floor. Luckily Ken wasn't in the throne. (Because Ken never rolls that way). Klein sneaked up to the closest door, and came across a blacksmith's workshop, with Lisbeth working on a silver-like metal ingot, with a unnecessarily skimpy outfit.

"Lisbeth?" Klein said involuntarily. Lisbeth was poised to shriek, but Klein dashed and covered her mouth.

"Wait! Sorry!" Klein stepped back. Lisbeth glared at him.

"Klein! What are you _doing_ here?! I'm not selling swords anymore!" Klein looked at her weirdly.

"You aren't? What are you doing then?"

"I'm Ken's exclusive smith!" She exclaimed proudly. Klein wasn't amused.

"Have you seen Furin Kazan?"

"Who now?"

"My guild; I told you all about it?" Klein tried to remind her. Yes, he did; because he tried flirting with her.

"No, I don't think so. Now again, what are you doing here?"

"I'm trying to… jointheOrder (of Promethean Blades)" Klein choked out. Lisbeth didn't notice Klein's discomfort though.

"Alright! All you need to do is talk to Ken!" She replied in a ridiculously chirpy voice.

"Any other way?" Klein looked at Lisbeth. If no, I'm out of here!

"Yeah, you can talk to Asuna." Klein ran out immediately. Lisbeth shrugged and went back to whatever she was doing.

Klein walked the halls. Unfortunately, Furin Kazan was nowhere in sight. Girls walked past him, which is weird because he was a dungeon prisoner. Klein then came across a large door. Klein tried to open it silently, but unfortunately, it creaked very loudly. Perhaps it was because it was huge. Klein was treated with Ken's face.

"What are you doing here?!" Ken said darkly. Klein would've backed away, if he wasn't half naked.

"What are you doing in _there_?" Klein said absentmindedly, trying to look inside the room. Ken pushed him several feet away, a look of embarrassed anger.

"**Nothing**!" Then Asuna cried out to him.

"Kenny? What are you doing out there? I didn't even take of-"

"Coming, Assie!" (The author started to facepalm from the sheer stupidity) Ken shouted frantically. Then he went in the room.

"Get out or else." Ken whispered, then closed the door. Klein, with a bit of a horrified but amused look on his face, due to the pet names, decided to check out the castle.

Klein, at this stage, didn't really care about Kirito or Kayaba. He was just interested. In the castle. Then, he saw…

The Harem. All a bunch of girls, from 12 to 18, all gathered on a large room, filled with sofas and the like. And they just giggled. A lot. They whispered excitedly when Klein entered the room, and giggled even more. Even Klein knows girls don't act that way all the time. But the author knows nothing about girls, so here it is.

"Hello, does anyone know where the Beaters are?" Klein asked towards a particularly bubbly group.

"Hee-Hee! They're on the roof!" Then they burst into sudden laughter, despite Klein not hearing anything funny.

"…okay." Klein then walked away from the girls, to meet face first with Asuna.

"What are you doing here?!" She snarled. Klein backed up and raised his hands.

"_Ooooooooh!_" The Harem sang. Klein eye-rolled.

"Look, Asuna, Kenny?! _Seriously_?!" He retorted. Asuna scoffed.

"It's a combination of Ken and honey, alright!" When Asuna was done reasoning, she discovered that Klein was running away. To the roof. Klein was ahead, due to his superior speed stats, but somehow, Asuna caught up. Even with GM approved stat boosts, he still can't escape from Ken. Asuna tackled him, and Klein instantly took out his crystal and teleported. Luckily, Asuna didn't come along. Won't want a repeat of Chp. 3, don't you?

Klein, instantly teleported to the GM room, to find Kayaba sleeping. Klein was stuck spying on Club Ken, and Kayaba, is sleeping. And Klein thought Kayaba has the most important job.

"Akihiko. _Akihikooooo_. **AKIHIKO**!" He immediately woke up.

"I'm upppp," he yawned. Klein was not amused.

"What were you doing?"

"Sleeping." Kayaba spoke bluntly.

"Sleeping?!" Kayaba smirked.

"What, you liked watching me? Feeling _protective_..?" Klein immediately felt embarrassed.

"Sorry! Now, did you actually find something?"

"Yes. Ken, is a combination of multiple AI" Klein nodded, seemingly understanding.

"How again?" Klein said dumbly.

"I don't know, okay." Then a prompt on Kayaba's HUD popped up.

"It seems we have to join Kirito."

"Why?"

"He just died because of a Siren."

"_What_?!" Kayaba smirked at him, again.

"Relax. I set the 80th floor to be in 'paralyzed in death' mode.

Klein and Kayaba arrived at the fight. It was on a field, and the Siren… was a extremely hot woman. The boobies, the butt, was perfect. She had a tan, and she was extremely cute, with emerald shimmering orbs. Of course, orbs for eyes were actually ugly, but the author can't think of anything else. Kayaba noticed Klein's bonerface.

"It's a illusion, Klein. It's like a shapeshifter. Along with the singing, it could hypnotize you. It's not in Ken though." Kirito lay face up on the field. Kayaba resurrected him. Then, Kirito attacked them with glazed eyes.

"Kirito?!" Klein blocked his blood raged attack, and Kayaba went in, and stabbed it with a Sword Skill, dashing through the woman. The woman screamed, and exploded into multicoloured pixels. Klein saw Kirito stop attacking, and saw the sword above Klein's head. He dropped it immediately.

"I swear Klein! It was the Siren!" Kirito bowed.

"Relax, I know. Then they noticed Kayaba, walking sullenly towards them.

"Hey guys, I don't think Ken's just AI." Kirito scratched his head.

Me too. For example, Ken has human qualities. "

"Look at you nerds!" Klein shouted. They both turned around and stared at him. If there was anything they would've collaborated, it would be this:

"Shut up!"

* * *

_AN: Hello again! Thanks for the views, but I don't know whether it was new people or just the same guys who keep checking the story for chapters. _

_But 97 views! Thanks! And please review, otherwise I can't patch up plot holes! And ConstructCritical, maybe. Just maybe…_


	5. Chapter 5

_AN: Holy Crap; 150 views. WOOHOO! Thanks guys for reading the story! _

* * *

**Chapter 5: Forward**

Ken looked at the The Skull Reaper in the face. The boss attacked, crawling across the room in a mere breath. Ken blocked it's twin blades, with his own. The Order of Promethean Blades screamed, which was mostly high pitched due to the girl-boy ratio. They attacked the sides, while Furin Kazan held their own against the skeleton-thing's face, along with Ken. The two dual-wielders faced off in a epic, evenly matched confrontation. Then Asuna jumped and delivered the final blow. The 75th floor is open for business. That was two days ago.

* * *

"What do you mean, he's at floor 77 _already_?!" Kayaba shouted. Kirito just looked at him sympathetically.

"That's what happens when you sit there all day, Akihiko."

"Okay. The quarterly bosses were actually harder than normal. He's doing something. We have to stop him."

"Alright. Now, did you figure out where Mr. AI is?" Kayaba shrugged.

"The hacker covered his tracks well. I can't find him. So, I can't lock Ken out."

"Hello? We gotta go!" Klein nudged Kirito.

"Oh right. But I got to do something first."

* * *

"Hello, master?" A girl with soft, light pink hair and in a maid's outfit shook Ken up.

"What?" Ken got up perfectly, not arrogant and cranky like most people after waking up.

"What is it, Min?" He spoke politely. She bowed slightly.

"Ken-senpai, today is the 78th boss raid." Ken smiled nicely.

"Alright. Gather up the guild."

When they got there, they found out the boss has been already defeated. By probably some other dude.

"Dale! Did a guild already clear this one?" The erm… stocky man hurried towards his side.

I don't think so, Commander!" Asuna looked at the open teleport gate.

"_Kirito!_" She ran forward towards it. Ken and The Order of Promethean Blades soon followed.

Sure enough, Kirito and his allies were already there. Said allies were Kayaba and Klein, along with ten others; the remainder of the Knights of the Blood Oath, angry at Ken for drafting most of their membership to his Order; and getting Heathcliff, their leader, out of the guild, therefore, collapsing it. Kayaba started to monologue.

"Ken, when you got here, you stole Kirito's skill, and broke the game with you looks. But we figured out why. Why did you hack in, Ken?! Why do you have to mess up what I created!" Ken innocently shrugged.

"I'm _not_ a hacker! Why can't you accept me?!"

"You made Furin Kazan join you! How did you do that?! Me and Furin Kazan** FOUGHT TOGETHER!**" Klein retorted.

"Maybe cause you were a criminal!" Ken's squirrelly voice cracked under the tension.

"Oh, look at that; you _caught_ puberty." Kirito snarked. Asuna charged at him.

"He was **bullied**!" She screamed nonsensically. She jumped and her sword glowed. Kirito blocked everything with his shield. Kirito touched her, and she was sent to the GM room. This time, Kirito and Klein were actually granted GM powers.

"Since you hacked, I decided not to play fair anymore." Kayaba smirked. Ken started to fill with (somehow) righteous anger.

"Look, stop it! I'm a player! A normal player!" Kayaba took out his sword.

"Prove it."

"I exist, don't I?" He reasoned.

"I rather wish you _didn't_!" One of the Knights laughed. The rest followed.

"Fine. Just let us go through. Just don't get the next one."

"Why? It's not like it's reserved for you!"

"Just-"

"You know, I finally figured out why you're guild's called the Prometheans." Kayaba mused. "It's because you stole our fire, like Prometheus. So we named ourselves the Olympians." Ken shook his head.

"No, it's not that. Not at all."

"Well, we _still_ want to be the Olympians."

"Will you get out of our way, or not?"

"Not until you stop cheating." Klein sticked out his tongue.

"**CHARGE!**" Ken yelled.

"**COME ON!**" Kayaba retorted, with '_Come At Me Bro_' arm gestures.

* * *

The Olympians were all paralyzed. They lost the battle. Kayaba, through his faceful of dirt, declared war. Kirito nodded in agreement. Maybe it's time to they'll the Olympians the identity of Heathcliff.

"WHAT?!" The former Knights yelled in surprise. Unsurprisingly, most of them raised their swords and challenged him a duel to the death. After everybody calmed down, Kayaba boosted their stats up.

"Okay. Now please listen. One of you will be guarding Asuna, and the rest will follow me, and defeat the bosses up to floor 90. That will piss him off." The Olympians cheered. Kayaba turned to Kirito.

"I won't be joining you."

"Why?"

" I'm going to prepare a _ridiculously_ powerful AI, and I'm going to pit it against Ken." Kayaba grinned.

"I realized that we can't go against him in physical combat, so we have to either trick him into suicide or kill him with something else."

"You tricked ten thousand people to be in your world. So why can't we trick him?" Klein jumped in.

"I didn't trick you guys coming here; hype did all the work."

Klein looked at Kayaba in his workspace. A humanoid shaped, textureless blob stood right next to Kayaba; that is going to be the model of the AI.

"Come on, we have to go."

"Where?"

"We're going to clear all the bosses, and piss Ken off. Akihiko's going to lock the teleport gates above floor 75 so he has to walk, and that could probably slow him down." Klein nodded.

"Right. Let's do this."

* * *

At the end of the day, they reached Floor 80. Kirito and Klein couldn't delete them, otherwise they would be kicked out, which would've made them excited, as they discovered a loophole to get out, if Kayaba didn't warn them that they would still die in the process. That's too bad. Meanwhile...

Ken was depressed. The combination of no Asuna and the Olympians taking his thunder took a toll. And it was all on the Olympians. Ken decided to take a new approach. A friendlier one. He opened his skills. This should be interesting.

Kirito was randomly browsing his menu. Then he erupted in a voice that single-handedly shattered Klein's eardrums. A effect pooped up right next to his health bar, that resembled a ear crossed out.

"I got _Dual Blades _back!" Kirito's face is full of glee, which is unusual, considering loners are never like that.

"Wha?"

* * *

_AN: Again, 150 views! I hope you like the chapter, so please review! And ConstructCritical, I hope you know what I did there…_


	6. Chapter 6

_AN: 200 views already? Wow. Just wow. Again, thanks for the dedication, folks, so, here's Chapter 6! Also, I have a new schedule on this. I will promise a chapter every Saturday. I do not own Sword Art Online. Because you didn't see the other disclaimers._

_Chapter 7: Freedom, comes out on March 14, PST._

_Anonymous Reviews are on, ever since Chp. 1, so everyone can actually review. Enjoy the Chapter!_

Chapter 6: Realization

Kayaba looked at the humanoid 3D model carefully. If only one of the SAO graphic designers were present. The blob has a purple tint to it. Coding is what Kayaba did best, but art, not so much. Kayaba inter grated the Dual Blades fighting style, as it wasn't a player. Then, next, he upped the regeneration rate to the max; 10% of the max health every second. The max health is 25000. _Nice. _

Klein watched Kirito grind the Dual Blades skill, taking on a horde of extremely weak enemies at Floor 20. He walked towards him as the horde dissolved into a bunch of that polygon-pixie dust stuff.

"Done?" Kirito nodded.

"Yeah."

"You could've went to Akihiko-"

"I wanted to get the hang of it, Klein." Kirito affirmed.

"Okay." Klein muttered. They poofed out, leaving pixie dust on their wake.

Kayaba tried to ignore Asuna's corny 'wails of love'. Then she started to recite some poetry.

" O lover, when can I see thee-"

"Shut up _please_."Kayaba said bluntly.

"You are planning to kill Ken, so don't tell me to shut up!"

"_Shut up._" Asuna was about to burst in epic love fury (Where that comes from, I don't know)

"Stop it!" Kayaba jerked up, accidentally giving the AI blob a black stripe across it's face.

"What's up with you?"

"What's up with _you_?!" Kayaba facepalmed to the sheer immaturity.

"I'm trying.. to _work_." Asuna somehow got insulted.

"Fine. Then I will try and distract you from killing Ken Sukiru." Kayaba recognized his chance.

"Is that his real name?"

"Yes. Because we trusted each othe- Wait. _Crap!_" Kayaba immediately went to Google and typed it in. Only to get this:

'Google won't search for Ken Sukiru, because it knows you don't find Ken Sukiru; he finds _you.'_

"Exactly!" Ken squeaked. Kayaba fell off from his chair after turning around so fast. Some Olympians started to take out their weapons.

"What the _hell_?!"

"Kenny-kun!"

"How did you get here?!" Ken brushed some non-existent dust off his shoulder.

"Didn't Kirito tell you?" At that moment, Kirito and Klein teleported to the GM room. His mouth stood open. He dropped the crystal. Then his brain started to function. C'mon, do your thing! He thought. The dual swords soon found itself on Kirito's hands.

"Kayaba, the AI! _Finish_ it!"

"But it doesn't look like-"

"Now!" Kayaba turned around. The model looks like crap. Kayaba didn't put full control yet, and only has the Dual Blades and Battle Healing skill. But whatever. Kirito leaped at Ken, initiating Starburst Stream.

"Starburst _Stream_!" Kirito cried happily. He always wanted to do that. Ken stepped backwards.

"Guys! He want's to kill me! He's the show off here!" Ken yelped. Some of the Olympians nodded. Then, half defected to the Prometheans. Wow.

"Ready!" Kayaba yelled.

The striped, half-coloured blob attacked.

Kirito stepped back. In five seconds, the fight already lit up from Sword Skills. The Blob attacked relentlessly, calculating thousands of possible outcomes in a mere breath. Then, the impossible happened. Ken dashed through the Blob, eliminating it. The Blob dissipated. Ken panted. _Somehow, _getting tired in VR games is possible. He scrolled through the menu, and flashed out.

"Kenny-kun?" Asuna whispered hopelessly.

"Great. What are we going to do now?" Kirito shrugged.

"I guess try to weaken his guild. He took half of ours, and I know you want Furin Kazan back."

"I can honestly say I do," Klein said calmly. Meanwhile, Kayaba was working on another model.

"Alright. Come on, let's go." They disappeared, now with the rest of their guild. Leaving Kayaba…

With Asuna.

Well, she seems to be okay, Kayaba thought. Physically, though. Her expression has hardened, the furthest possible for tsunderes.

Ken did not save her.

Her _husband_ did not give one thought about her.

Her life partner, the one she would always _blindly_ defend.

That _douchebag_!

Asuna was lost in thought. This did not compute in her mind well. Of course, Mary Sues never make sense.

Kirito and Klein looked at the castle. Furin Kazan is hanging out at the roof. With Ken. The mere thought made Klein's blood boil.

"Look at him. So '_heroic_'" He spat that last part out of spite. Unfortunately, you can't spit in the game, making him look like he pouted at the plant right next to him.

"Don't get worked up." Kirito looked at his Sword Skills.

"What is it?"

"Making sure I still have Dual Blades. Now, Klein, I will distract everyone by fighting Ken. You swoop in an take Furin Kazan. We can't teleport more people out."

"Let's go."

They sprinted, anime-style, arms pointed backwards. The two guards got paralyzed by the two, each with their respective sword skills. Klein dashed forward, his sword looking like a laser, while Kirito slashed in a x-shape, without losing momentum. They quickly charged at the gate, but Immortal object popped up. It seems that Ken's considerable powers finally locked the gate, considering they invaded it like a thousand times. _Crap_.

Kayaba couldn't resist looking at Asuna. Not because she was hot, it was because she looked so pitiful, like a cute cat straight out of the Internet.

"What is it?" He grumbled. Asuna turned away.

"You wouldn't understand." The angst was so packed in that line, Kayaba felt like he should protest against the world.

_Why does Ken exist?_

_Why does he have to mess up everything he built?_

_**Why**__?!_

Kayaba shook his head. The matured mind shielded itself against the sentence, and prepared for it's counterattack.

"Of course I won't. I don't even know _what_ it is." He commented dryly. No response. Kayaba's gamer pride just swelled. There is nothing better than winning an argument.

"Shut up!" She finally retaliated. But that just put more fuel into the fire. Kayaba was about to let loose another joke, if Kirito and Klein came in.

"We can't get in." Kirito said glumly.

"It is literally i_mpossible _to go through now." Klein added, a melancholic tone in his voice. Kayaba nodded.

"Looks like he learned. Alright, I didn't want to do this, but I have no choice."

"What are you going to do?"

"Delete the entire seventieth floor."

_AN: I took some time to, well, take some time to finish this, instead of rushing through. I realize that this story is getting a little too serious, so I hope to put more of what I call jokes in here. Like every Fanfiction author, I'm going to end like this: OMG R&amp;R Kawaii!_


	7. Chapter 7: Freedom

_AN: Hello, I have a new story I'm planning out, but don't expect any hiccups on the schedule. Also, I got 100 views on one week, which used to be a epic milestone last month, so I can't believe that!_

Chapter 8: Kirita , March 21, PST

* * *

**Chapter 7: Freedom**

"_What_?!" Everybody but Kayaba yelled.

"Yes, I know. It's a little overkill-"

"You'll _kill_ Furin Kazan!" Klein pleaded.

"_So_?" Klein, stepped back and shut up, questioning where the _hell _his morals went. Kirito is confused, however.

"What the hell are you worried about then, Akihiko?" Kayaba threw a confused look at him.

"Think about the Floor! All that _work_ deleted!" Kayaba tried to make Kirito understand. But all he understood is that he rather let a man _die_ than wipe a hard drive.

"Anyway," Kayaba continued through the silence, " Go to Ken and threaten him with this." Kirito and Klein nodded.

* * *

Asuna started to actively participate on Kayaba's project. If you can 't beat 'em, join 'em, she declared the old adage, as a explanation to her involvement, but really, she just really wanted to kill Ken after ditching her, which may seem a little overkill, but Ken actually spoon-fed her about true love. And, well, he was upsetting the game balance. Even if Ken was _actually_ the sole key to escaping Aincrad with little to no casualties, she still couldn't take the lies he shoved to her and his guild. Kayaba assigned her the process of aesthetics.

"What's next?" Asuna stared expectantly to Kayaba, like a dog to his/her master. Kayaba got weirded out.

"You… sit over there. I'll handle everything else." Asuna frowned, but politely went away. Kayaba looked at the Blob.

His mouth dropped. Coffee dropped. Basically every dramatic reaction cliché, combined.

"_ASUNA_!"

She quickly sped to his command.

"What is _that_?!"Kayaba questioned aggressively. Asuna seemed unfazed.

"What?" She said flatly. He facepalmed.

"The Blob. _Look at it!_"

She looked at it. Then looked at him.

"So?" Kayaba quickly learned that the teen in front of him will never understand him. He looked at her like a primitive life form that doesn't understand the cultured ones. Basically, he was smug as_ hell._

"Look, Asana-"

"Asuna."

"_Asuna_," he corrected himself. "This game has a art style. All RPG games have their own signature style."

"Get to the point."

"The point is, the style in Sword Art Online has a very Fantasy feel to it, with Medieval mixed in. Medieval Fantasy. _Not_ Anime Cute Boy Sparkle." Asuna started to look at the Blob critically.

The Blob looked like a boy, with exaggerated eyes, and a mouth that looked like it belonged to a cute cat. Which didn't match well with the bulging muscles. The eyes were glimmering, and there was a actual sparkle drawn to his face. Asuna then pulled her greatest excuse when someone criticizes her art.

"I'm fifteen." She said simply. Kayaba shrugged, then undo'ed everything.

"Fine. Just take a player, and model it against him or her," Asuna nodded.

* * *

"Kirito! We can end this peacefully!" Ken yelled through the gate. Kirito hardened.

"Unless you walk out of Coward Castle, and give yourself-"

"_And_ Furin Kazan," Klein added quickly.

"And Furin Kazan up, no! We'll delete the floor! And kick you out, hacker!"

"I am not a hacker!" A silence started between the two.

"Come on, Klein, let's delete it." Hope it works…

"_NO WAY_!" Kirito turned around. And there was Ken, grasping…

Two swords.

"What the-" Kirito immediately raised his left hand. Sure enough, it wasn't there. Corny cheering emanated from the castle. Ken glared at him with righteous fury.

"**_I WILL NOT LET YOU KILL ALL THESE INNOCENT PEOPLE!"_**

"Dude, we're five feet away, calm down." Klein once again gained the 'Tone Deaf' status effect.

"Now, Prometheans!**_ To arms_**!" Ken shouted bombastically. The guild streamed out of the gates, quickly surrounding the two. They again, faced a situation too bleak. Fortunately, they had a backup plan.

"Olympians!" Kirito yelled. Ken smirked a smirk so smug, Kirito_ really _wanted to punch him in the face.

"You mean, them?" Then a handful of people pulled the paralyzed bodies out of hiding. What remained of their few allies were captured. By men in cloaks, with a tattoo on them.

Laughing Coffin.

"I redeemed Laughing Coffin," Ken said modestly. "So I trained them to be Promethean Ghosts." Even Kirito admitted that sounded cool. But Kirito smirked. The two smirks clashed.

"Didn't you forget, that I have GM powers?" Then Kirito opened his menu, and the Olympians rose up, and immediately paralyzed the surrounding players. They each grabbed one person, teleporting them to what they called 'Floor Zero' or the GM room. Kirito took the chance, running towards Ken. Kirito activated a Sword Skill.

Sonic Leap.

Kirito dashed with superhuman speed. The two clashed. Ken had Kirito's sword locked in between his two katanas. Kirito lifted Elucidator and jumped off the Dual Block, kicking off from where the two swords crossed. Kirito jumped backward, while Ken staggered. Ken pulled out his knives, intent on capitalizing on the distance between them.

The knives glowed blue.

Three knives flew, towards Kirito. Kirito thrust his sword forward and upwards. Elucidator glowed, and started to spin around his forefinger, quickly accelerating to the point where Kirito could partially see through. The knives were knocked aside by the Spinning Shield.

_I am on a roll! _Kirito thought, his sense of pride inflating. It wasn't fake; Ken, as powerful as he may be, did not live on Aincrad for two years. And his reaction time pales in comparison to Kirito. Klein tackled a member of Furin Kazan and teleported. A dozen Prometheans, including Ken, now surrounds Kirito. Pick your battles, he schooled himself. He teleported promptly.

* * *

Once Kirito materialized, he was immediately greeted with grinning faces.

"What?" Kirito looked around.

"Kirito, look at the Blob," Klein suggested, trying not to explode. Kirito scanned around, looking for someone that doesn't look familiar. Then, he looked at the Blob.

The Blob was_ extremely_ sexy. It wore Kirito's black coat, except now, the coat gracefully traced the curves it inhabits. The perfectly rounded and perky boobs (excuse the language) matched the body perfectly, and the butt looked _awesome._ Not to mention, the face looked like Kirito's, except hyped up in femininity more than normal.

Kirito had no words to describe his anger.

No words.

* * *

_AN: 300 views! [Insert 300 movie reference here]! I seriously appreciate this! Now excuse me; I shall sulk over other people's Fanfiction. Sniff._


	8. Chapter 8: Kirita

_AN: Uh, hello! And I have a announcement. I feel like I should end this story at Chp. 10. I'm running out of jokes and plot stuff. Also, I'm a little late. Sorry._

_Chapter 9: Extermination, at March 28, PST._

* * *

**Chapter 8: Kirita**

"Kayaba! I _swear_, I am going to kill you!" Kirito screamed under embarrassed rage. Y'know, the kind when parents tease a boy that their completely platonic female friend is their girlfriend.

"I didn't create it," Kirito took out the typical RPG Sword of Infinite Destinies, and threatened everyone around him.

"Who?!"

"I did," Asuna confessed. Kirito calmed down. According to the Gamer Code of Ethics, it is completely fine throwing death threats to males, but entirely uncalled for when targeted on females. Either because it's to be courteous, or just an attempt to get laid. Who am I kidding, they want to get laid.

"Alright then." Kirito put his Sword of Infinite Destinies on his shoulder sheath. The surrounding group was stunned on the current events, considering his breakdown a moment ago.

"_Wow_. Why are you not angry anymore?" Klein muttered.

"I can understand why Asuna made that. All girls in gaming draw their fan characters so they're _impossibly_ hot."

"Not all girls are like that!" She argued. Kirito shrugged.

"Have you ever seen fan art on fan characters? _Geez_!"

"…Anyway," Kayaba started. "Kirita-"

"I'm sorry, did _you_ come up with that name," Kirito asked Asuna.

"Nope," Kirito's sword blurred, and in three seconds, the SoID was firmly heading to Kayaba's head. The sword collided with the Immortal Object Shield.

"Asuna, what did the Blob originally look like?"

"A white robe, with a Katana. Then Kayaba replaced it with your coat." Kirito opened the menu and disabled GM privileges from Kayaba. But Kayaba created the game. He is not going to let an angry sixteen year old kick him out!

_[Enabled.]_

_[Disabled.]_

_[Enabled, player "Kirito" kicked from GM network.]_

"Crap." Kirito looked at the unfazed mastermind. That douchebag.

"Kirito, I have to admit, I based her face over yours," Asuna said sadly. Kirito looked at Asuna, with a betrayed face worthy of Memecenter. Klein stepped back in disgust. Kirito felt his preteen rage build up again, a power, he last wielded four years ago, in the dawn of puberty.

You see, when he was twelve, he had a phase, when he would play shooters, and become the Internet entity known as a squeaker. He embodied the underage shooter enthusiast stereotype, always swearing, claiming that everyone better than him has 'no life', and anyone worst, 'a f*cking n00b. It all ended at thirteen, when Mom confiscated the keyboard and mouse, paralyzing his ability to play.

"I can't believe it… I _trusted_ you!"

"Look, it's _just_ an AI-" Klein said, not in the joke anymore.

"_Shut up, you faggot! You have no life, you f*cking n00-_" Kirito then disappeared from existence.

"…What?" Asuna pointed at the spot Kirito was standing, surprised, and a little scared.

"I teleported Kirito to another floor,"Kayaba claimed, proud at himself thinking of that idea.

"What floor?"

"Floor Negative One, and let's give him, say, half an hour,"

* * *

Kirito looked around at the sheer darkness, unable to discern anything. He takes out his Destiny Sword, and activated a Sword Skill, trying to penetrate the black with the glow of the weapon. Something moved. Kirito squinted, trying to make out the shape. A bear's face suddenly appeared right in front of him.

Kirito reacted, by activating the skill, slashing it across it's body, disintegrating it. Red eyes popped out of the darkness, one by one, surrounding him. Kirito readied, the only thing guiding it is his sword's measly glow...

* * *

"Anyway, I'm almost done," Kayaba scanned the room, and pointed to Lisbeth.

"You. Come here." Lisbeth approached, albeit a little slowly.

"We're in the process of arming the Blob," Kayaba whispered,

"Who?"

"The _AI!_"

"Oh, right," Lisbeth nodded. "I guess you want me to arm it?"

"Yes. You actually have the best smithing skill set," Lisbeth fist pumped. A former Knight of the Blood Oath smith turned Olympian, however, sighed sadly.

"That actually needs a lot of grinding to accomplish! I see that you made two _million _Iron Daggers-"

"Okay, alright!" She brushed through the subject quickly.

"So, I'll max them out, and give you a smithing chart, and access to that chest." He pointed to a small wooden chest.

"What's in here…" Lisbeth walked up, and as soon as Kayaba gave access, she opened it. It bathed her face in epic golden light.

"Everything is in here! Corridor Crystals, Steel Platinum ingots," She geeked out, and emitted a huge gasp.

"Destiny Primordial Infinity Crystals." Lisbeth stared in awe. A transparent ingot, with colours glittering on it's surface, floated right on her face.

"That's right. It's a one out of five _billion_ chance, you get one, from defeating The Fatal Scythe." Lisbeth turned to him.

"I need a forge."

* * *

Kirito's eyes darted from left to right, in a rage for survival. The pupils locked on to another monster, and he dashed, stabbing it, giving no chance to surrender. He sensed a presence behind him. A blue light came from above, partially blinding Kirito. A gargantuan, hooded figure, with a big-ass scythe, materialized.

_A WILD FATAL SCYTHE APPEARED! _Kirito charged at it, sword poised to strike.

_ANIME HERO USED WILLPOWER!_

_IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!_ Kirito revealed at it's defeat, way past the Point of No Return to Sanity. He cackled, and waved his arms up.

"Bring it! I will _kill_ you all!" Unfortunately, he said that last bit in front of everyone, as Kayaba teleported him back.

"Oh. Uh, hey." Kirito squeaked. Then immediately written off his insanity from the abyss.

"How long has it been," Kirito stretched.

"About thirty minutes." Kayaba answered.

"Why did it feel like thirty _years_?"

"It's a prototype. Speeds up the brain's perception on time."

"Cool."He nodded, accepting the idea, totally forgetting about his maniacal phase at Floor Negative One.

* * *

A very awkward hour passed. Lisbeth worked furiously on Kirita's sword, Kayaba did some more coding, curiously not about Kirita.

"So, what's up?" Kirito asked Klein.

"Not much. You?"

"Fine, yeah."

Ten seconds passed.

"So… any occupations?"

"Yeah, I work at a office. You?" Klein responded. He facepalmed internally at himself on that last part.

"I, uh, study at high school."

"Okay." He nodded.

Another ten seconds passed.

"I wonder what Ken's up to?"

"Yeah, I agree!" Klein said quickly, brushing off the previous conversation. They literally went in a flash.

"Done!" Lisbeth exclaimed, showing off her new work. She held aloft a silver sword, with diamonds lining the edge, sharpened somehow. Gold followed the middle, and made up the hilt, encrusted with rubies and emeralds. One side was serrated, for some reason. Pretty much any high level JRPG sword.

"I call it…"

"Skysilver Sword!" One person randomly called out.

"Dwarf Defender!"

"_Jesus Stick_!" Kayaba called out.

"Shut up!" Asuna shouted, harnessing the epic power of Tsunderes, yet again. Everybody shut up.

"Lisbeth, you can name it anything you want,"

"Alright. Chuck Norris' Toothpick." Lisbeth decided. Asuna froze.

"Really? I thought-"

"The girl decided!"

"Keep it!" Kayaba shouted. He was a staunch supporter of the legend. Asuna gave up. Kayaba took the sword.

"I'm going to duplicate it."

* * *

Kirito checked out the castle again. Ken replaced his guild with a few supporters, as a task group, all twenty levels below him. Which was pretty damn strong, compared with other Clearers. They teleported elsewhere.

"Track him," Klein pushed a button. They appeared in a dimly lit room, like a boss room. About half a dozen humanoid shapes materialized, all dark coloured. Team Jerks were twenty meters ahead.

"Where are we?" Kirito muttered.

"Kirito…" Two of the shapes materialized swords exactly like Kirito and Klein's. They began to look exactly like them, except the colors were muted, and the eyes red and glowing.

"Shadows. We're in the final ten floors!"

* * *

"Kayaba!" Kirito teleported right in front of him, and tackled him to the ground. Kirito recovered quickly, and Klein accidentally squeezed Asuna's boobs. That's right; _both_. Klein was too worried to notice, and ignored Asuna's Tsundere rage.

"Ken!" Kirito gasped.

"He's at the last few floors!" Klein coughed, still tired from the shadow fight.

"He's going to beat the game!"


	9. Chapter 9: Extermination

_If you don't want to see the incredibly sappy moment below, scroll down until you see a page break. Also, I realize that there is a fanfic called The Kirita Chronicles. I swear, I did not mean to make fun of it. Just really bad gender flipped characters in general. (Not that the fanfic I mentioned is bad.)_

_AN: This would be the finale. Chapter Ten is a epilogue. A very small one. But I'll make it up, with a extra long one today. This was my first story I ever posted on the internet. And I met with lots of people (At least 100, recurring) reading this, and supporting me. _

_L van Am: My first review, that gave me a huge self esteem boost._

_Kage The Cat: The first review to actually (sort of) criticize my story, thanks for pointing out flaws, and helping me improve._

_ConstructCritical: You seemed really into this story, reacting to events. _

_All of you, thanks. You made my first venture into the waters of Fanfiction really fun._

**Chapter 9: Extermination**

Ken walked around on the ninety-ninth floor, a dark place, with trees of silver, and a blue sun. It was called Silverstar, the floor before Ruby Palace, and the floor after_ Doritos Presents: Mountain Dew Realm, Sponsored by FOX Broadcasting._ Kayaba wasn't very proud of that floor. It was a direct order from the Executives.

There was a million mini-bosses on it's Labyrinth, before the ultimate boss, someone Ken never suspected. He hugged Min closer, vowing to protect her until the end…

* * *

"Kirito, put on the Destiny Coat!" Kayaba shoved the gold/platinum-coloured clothing back to Kirito.

_"It's not black!"_

"Goddammit, Kirito, it doesn't friggin matter! This give you a speed boost! Everyone's wearing Destiny items!"

"I preferred to call it _6 out of 10 items! _Hey-O!" A annoying Olympian called out.

"Wear it!"

"No!"

"Do it!"

"My coat is already at it's armor level!" Kirito complained.

"But the speed boost! I would add it, if we had more **TIME!**" Everyone stopped talking.

"…Fine."

"Look," Kayaba looked sincerely at Kirito.

"Put it on, and _shut up_." He said in that sincere voice again.

"Stupid douchebag."

Once everyone geared up, Kayaba got a corridor crystal, and opened a path to the Ruby Palace.

"Everyone, this is our last figh-" Kayaba's moment was cut off by the _sheer rush _towards the portal.

"…Okay." He grabbed Kirito as he rushed past him.

"Kirito, I encoded another skill that is identical to Dual Blades."

"I'll keep that in mind." Kayaba stared at him as he ran towards the Palace.

"What do you mean, 'keep it in mind'?!"

The palace was enormous. For the first time, players could actually see the outer shell of Aincrad, and the sky, with no visible ground below the black fortress. Kirito walked around the pearl courtyard in sheer amazement.

"Boss room's in the Palace!" Everyone hurried inside. The inside has a grand hall, with a ruby throne in the centre. Pillars alternated every dozen feet.

"Final check!" Kayaba yelled out. The chimes of the menus filled the room.

"Now we wait." Klein said to Kirito.

* * *

Ken sprinted across the courtyard, accompanied by his three companions. The Death Game, is coming to an End.(Despite only joining at the last quarter). They climbed the steps rapidly. The door was closed. Ken unsheathed his twin Dæmon Katanas, the black steel starting to warm up, sensing the oncoming battle. (It's a bonus effect, guiz). Ken did a back flip, and dashed forward, shattering the door.

Kayaba looked at Ken, and stood up from checking his inventory. Kayaba's health multiplied by five.

The battle is on.

Kayaba charged, Kirito and Kirita by his side, and Klein leading the Olympians. Asuna ran on her own, providing support to any group if needed.

He started by stabbing his sword on the ground, creating a fissure, and staggering Ken. Kirita jumped over Kayaba, and landed in front of Ken. She started to attack him relentlessly, but Ken blocked them all. Kirito tried to paralyze Ken, with GM powers.

No effect.

What about his buddies? He thought.

No effect. _Well,_ Kirito shrugged. _Worth a shot_.

"Goddammit, Kirito, help!" Kayaba screamed. Ken kicked Kirita across the room, and duelled Kayaba.

"Well, well, well. It comes to this." Ken circled him.

"Whatever, _preschooler_." Kayaba spat.

"Hey!" Kirito ran, and unleashed a Sword Skill.

"Starburst Stream!" He pushed back Ken half a dozen meters. Kirito activated another one, on a single sword. He streaked past Ken. Kirita joins him as they take potshots on the weakened white-haired douchebag.

"Switch!" They worked perfectly in sync.

* * *

The Olympians were busy fighting the rest. Klein handled one, the Olympians handled another,(because they're less capable, for some reason) and Asuna took the last.

Min.

"Why do you support him?" Asuna started out with trying to convince her to switch sides.

"He gives me hope!" Asuna mentally facepalmed. Was she really that visibly corny? Right. Let's paralyze.

Asuna thrusted, sword glowing green, knocking her back several paces. Min recovered, and slashed with a golden Katana, breaking her rapier. The rapier dissipated from her hands.

"…Crap."

Klein handled a dude with blonde hair, with a sword and shield.

"Pfft. Please, you _only_ have a Katana of Infinite Destinies. PC Master Race!"

"Shut up, for once!" Klein swung a overhead chop, and Blondie blocked it. Klein started to focus on the shield, trying to lower it's durability.

"What are you trying to do? Break the shield?!" Blondie cackled, and stabbed Klein. Klein then shattered the shield, and kicked him away. They looked at each other in the eye. Klein's health regenerated rapidly, filling up, in a matter of seconds.

"Looks like I did." The Katana glowed, and Klein locked on to his opponent.

Asuna deftly dodged Min's attacks, and took out a throwing star. She jumped back, and threw it, finding it's place to Min's chest. Asuna quickly took out a backup weapon.

Lambent Light, her old rapier. Asuna sped up, quickly accelerating to game-breaking speeds. The blade stabbed Min in the chest, paralyzing her.

The last of Ken's accomplices was a black dude, with a giant war hammer. Pretty much like Agil, except much more stereotyped. He made cracks on the surface, and paralyzed half the Olympians in half a minute.

"You motherf*ckers! I pity the fool!" One of the Olympians, a guy named Barry eloquently nicknamed him, Mr. T.

"Godammit! You!" He pointed to two guys with shields.

"Soak the damage! Get in here!" The duo ran to his aid, and started to get smashed- erm, pitied, by him.

Barry clenched his Greatsword, and charged, stabbing Ken's accomplice to the ground.

"Done." Barry felt imaginary shades float down to his eyes.

* * *

Kayaba had trouble. Lots of trouble. Like being down to his last bar of health.

"Guys, I'm dying!"

"Look, we're trying to stop him from beating the game!" Kirito yelled, sounding very ironic. Kirita tried to stop him, but Ken was just _too_ badass. Kirito had to use it. He clashed with Ken, and the other sword popped up in his other shoulder.

They were equal now.

They perfectly blocked and counter-attack each other, cancelling each other out. Kirita jumped in, her boobs bouncing.

She beat back Ken, and damaged him to half health. So, Ken had to do the thing again.

He jumped high into the air.

"_CORKSCREW STARBLAST ATTACK!_" Ken dived down, to Kirita. Kirita stepped aside, and when Ken was in equal level with her face, she stabbed him with a Sword Skill.

"No…" A thunderbolt struck, signifying his death.

"Where the hell did that come from?" Klein looked at the clouds.

"That doesn't matter Klein," Kirito said, voice steady. "…because we killed Ken!" His voice cracked.

No one cheered. In fact, the revenge seemed…

Empty. Then Kirito realized it.

They gained nothing from killing him. That's right; despite Ken's douchiness, he's still being portrayed well. They didn't beat the game.

Yet here they are, on the Ruby Palace, with Kayaba in full boss mode. Kirito threw a shut ileum at Kayaba, and his health dipped down to zero.

Kirito walked towards him. Kayaba collapsed, about to say his last words.

"Dick."

Akihiko Kayaba dissipated. A golden light shined over them, and the holy popup came floating.

[Log-out Function Unlocked]


	10. Chapter 10: Sword Art High

AN: I dunno if any of you guys still check this, but I did mention an epilogue!

* * *

**Chapter 10: Sword Art High**

Kirito woke up. He was not in a hospital bed. He actually felt fine, which was weird. Another thing that was weird was the fact that, he was in some class, and everyone was laughing at him.

"Mr. Kirigaya, stop sleeping in class! No wonder you're failing!" Kayaba scolded. Kirito looked around wildly, analyzing his surroundings.

"What's wrong, Kirito?" Klein asked. Kirito stared at him.

"But you're in your _20s_!"

"No! I'm sixteen. _Everyone_ is sixteen here." Again, he looked around wildly.

Asuna stared at him, Ken's arm draped around her.

_Wait, Ken?!_

Kirito examined himself.

_Black hoodie, black pants, _Kirito looked down on his desk.

_Pre-calculus?!_ He came upon one conclusion.

He was trapped in a high school.

An _American_ one.

(Inception BWONG sound)


End file.
